Sunday, 30 May 2010

Halima’s Summary Part 3 on how to get the BWE

Motivated to Change?



Why do people keep going back to a dirty restaurant with ill-treatment and rude staff and all that?

One reason could be because they don’t think they can get any better, the other is because they maybe feel they are obliged to that shop and the treatment it metes out to them.

Maybe one reason is because, ‘we have to buy black and this is a black store’.

What do you think will change the restaurant to be more appreciative of its customers?

Do you think that as customers continue to give the restaurant their patronage, this will some how change the managements mind and they will just be touched, by the customers continued devotion and say, ‘we are not doing right by these folks you know, we must from today, give them their due’?

Do you think that customers continuing to give the restaurant custom will challenge the restaurant to shape up and offer a better service, or become more entrenched in their posture of disrespect, maybe believe that they are doing right or perversely believe the customers are deserving of this type of service?

Same dynamic with black women and black men would you not say?

Black women are thinking ‘If we keep loving them and preferring them and telling them we will have no other, then black men will change’. How effective is this type of strategy really?

A lot of the entrenched problems of black women like 'colorism', devaluation and disrespect started a long time ago and black women have continued hoping for the best, deciding not to put their foot (collectively) down to say to the men, ‘We are not having this!’ Instead they have continued to think, ‘They will change, we will love them into being good and doing right by us.’


Newton’s first law of motion says that an object continues on its current path unless acted on by external force/s. How are black women creating a change in the path being travelled by black men, by refusing to change their responses?

Regarding their community

The most appropriate position for any black woman to adopt vis a vis the black community (for her own sanity), is to position herself to ‘challenge’ all its dictums and stipulations. To test everything and weed out the chaff from the wheat. This means black women can begin to question the ‘testament to my race’ way of going about life sold to her by community.


Unfortunately many black women act like keenly trained as guard dogs for all sorts of ‘tenets of blackness’ and they do put themselves forward not as ‘questioners’ but only tight keepers of the black behaviour codes, immediately springing into battle against anything that would ask for a careful reassessment and revaluation of any idea that is protected in the view of ‘being a sacred black notion‘.


These women stand even against their own interests because they do not take the time to think through the situation (shallow thinking is also encouraged over these issues). Many black women are in a state of ‘false consciousnesses’ of their interest and needs, having listened all their life to a propaganda emanating out of the black consensus of what their needs and desires really are, instead of working this out by themselves.


Evia a pionner BWE/IR blogger talks about CCBC (central committee of the Black community), which is her expression for those black people who have the greatest influence over the opinions of others in the ‘black community’. Evia says:


‘The CCBC have numerous announcements, ‘proclamations’ and stipulations about what so called ‘real’ black women should do and act and keep it real.


BWE and IR also talk about how authentic blackness is now defined in ‘Acting black’ terms. It is clear that black perspectives are issued from a group of blacks who have made black synonymous with low behaviour and all things negative and counter culture actions.


Black women are being told that all social hostility and all vectors of discrimination and if there be any dream denied, it all comes from forces external to the community (outside the black race/group). But a casual observation shows that this is far from the case and black women not realizing this to be the case, is the main cause of them coming up short again and again.


The simple formular of internal community = security, external community = threats, no longer applies for black women.


Heresy?


No not really. It is important that the modern day black women not flinch from any aspect of the observable truth if she hopes to carve out a better life than what pertains at present.


Look around you, the evidence is there in the fact that black women have some of the worst social indicators (as significant to women). Black women are the least likely to be married and in addition they are bearing a disproportionate burden for the upkeep of the black family, with single parent families accounting for the dominant family structure across US and Black Britain.


I will tell you something about the community which you will agree with, and on which we can then build a broader picture and understanding of the situation (this understanding is absolutely crucial to black women adopting a successful approach to their situation).


Black women are the backbone of the black community.


Only a few people will disagree with this assertion.


So there is the black woman, and there is her black community which depends on her to perform vital roles for sustaining it in its current state. But a real and healthy relationship with community would be one in which black women themselves received succour and nurture and protection in return especially for her efforts on behalf of community. That would only be fair, don’t you agree?


But again it is evident that black women get very little support and succour internally and they are certainly not being snapped up in marriage by in-group men, indeed in America only a paltry 30% of marriage aged black women are married as opposed to anything from 50-70% among other groups of the same category. It is this simple dynamic of non-reciprocity from her community and the endorsement of the idea of not receiving returns on investment within black women themselves that causes a whole lot of hardship in their 's lives.


I am very sure that the average black woman is not taught to think in terms of getting anything back from her community or what her community can offer her. This is a whole new way of thinking for black women. However every other race of women looks to and expects protection, support and also expects their needs of companionship for instance to be met within their community, if they are to call them their communities and invest her energies into it! This is simply, basic and standard requirement.


Question (please endeavour to write something down on these questions and keep it for reference):


Do you think that black women as a whole and you as a black woman are served and made provision for in their communities? By this I mean, do they receive the necessary support, protection and relational needs (in terms of men) as a fair exchange for the effort they pour into it? Do you believe it is important for black women to receive back on their investment into their communities?


Also think of a number of times that that which is uniquely black about you was attacked or scorned (be it your skin colour or hair etc etc), and note whether this was an attack from those external to or internal to the black community.


At one point, I the writer was asked, 'why do I want to sow doubt and discord in the minds of black women about their community?' (it was thought that this was what I was about).


My reply was, 'If black women's continued 'carrying' of their community, depends on hiding the truth from them, then it is a deception that is being perpetrated'.


The question also revealed that a whole lot is riding on black women denying their reality, and pretending everything is hey ok. Many black women respond as expected and it will be this whole mindset of acceptance of 'non-reciprocity' and 'non return on effort' that will keep black women in lack.


Further questions and exercises for this section


Questions


Do you believe that black women should expect rewards for her services to community?


  • Yes 
  • No selflessness is required
  •  Helping people is a reward in itself
If yes what type of rewards do you think black women should have?


• Safety and the meeting of all her needs
• Men from the community making her a priority in their choices for female partners
• Other


Do you believe that black people must be saved all together and as a group and there is no salvation for individuals?


• Yes as long as black people are oppressed nothing will be in our favour unless we come together
• No a black person can find their own salvation
other


 Observe and make judgements; the new mantra of black women!


Black women would be hard to deceived and misled over clear and glaring realities if they would simply accept that their eyes and ears are communicated the truth and they don’t need to see out some expert to understand what is going on with black men and the black situation.


An exercise for you to do: sit at a public mall or any other public area of your choice and count/observe and document whatever you see with regards a specific question you might have.


Frame a question in your mind (say for instance ‘Are a significant amount of black men involved out of their race?’). This ensures you do not play games with yourself as black women are encouraged to do to head off any observable reality.


Just record what you see.


It will be clear that you do not need to consult the experts, you can observe and make a judgement on what you see. The tendency to look out of ourselves for a nod or to have our views endorsed as reality opens black women to misdirection. Consider that the ‘experts’ might have reasons to withhold the truth from you. Do you indeed consider that?



A few roundup notes


Black women have come to a ‘crossroads,’ a cross roads in their self definitions, in their belief systems and the value systems they have around blackness and the black group. This is because the current belief system has stalled and is yielding them very little. It is time to decide if what you are seeing now with the black group demands and requires a whole new way of life and approach. It is time to re-examine what it means to be a black woman in light of what you can clearly observe going on the black group, in line with living a life profitable to you the individual (often black women are encouraged to live a life profitable to their group without much of a thought towards themselves). You will have to decided whether its business as usual for you a black woman or if you will need to courageously chart a different path even one different to what you see other black women around going about.


• You will have to re-examine and weigh up the current ideals you have for living life as a black woman in light of the black men’s commitment deficit to black uplift, black survival etc etc. Ask yourself, ‘Do I continue along the same path? Does life now require a whole change of mindset, rethinking of notions of black womanhood, a whole new direction and whole new approach, a whole new way of being and thinking and a whole new set of priorities? This is the overarching question under which a whole lot of black women will have to labour.


• The ideas that so easily ensnare and entangle black women and trap them in a situation of self sacrifice and self-depletion, are ‘I want to be an asset to my race’ ‘we must help brothers out’ and ‘we must believe in our brothers’. These are ensnaring ideas that lead black women down the path of self abnegation. Even as we note that there is nothing morally wrong with these ideas in themselves but they are ones which lead black women into a life of lack and struggle. They are slippery slope ideas into irrational self-sacrifice and holding on beyond the point of reason!


• Remember that the Black Thought System is aimed at creating a black women whose whole will and needs are so thoroughly yielded to serving a dictated community agenda, that she is willing to slave away for it, without support, without getting anything back and without even a hope of any returns on her efforts. She will be willing to bear burdens that are meant for two, and even while understanding that two are required, will not pull away from toiling in futility.


• The more black women get into the black thought system manner of thinking, the less likely she is to know that she should rightly be demanding for herself anything from her efforts and interactions with others instead she invalidates her own needs and personal desires and sees them as a distraction to the real work of the race. The more ‘in the mindset of ‘the community’ a black woman is the less likely she is to know when her efforts are futile but will continue to be pressured to keep plodding on regardless. In other words she doesn’t know when to rightly give it up and let go!


• Not everything out of 'the perspective of black people' should be upheld and agreed with. You must ‘get it’ somehow that it cant be all about defending the black position. There are a lot of toxic ideas and beliefs and values that are circulating in the black social sphere that need to be rejected and run from! This has nothing to so with ‘giving up on race’ or ‘looking at the race as white people’ do etc etc, this is a pure commonsense understanding that not all that emanates from black people has to be deemed sacred.


• Insight into your situation is of the most critical importance. Work out for yourself what is going on around you as you recognize that many would prefer black women kept in the dark. Understand how the game of life and living is being played around you and evolve your game plan to meet its challenges and so you can win. Think, ‘How do I get the best out of the situation.’ Be pragmatic and think pragmatic!


• Create a new identity that isn’t formed around rescuing ‘our people’ and saving ‘our community’, but considers ‘what is my personal gain in this?’ There is nothing heretical about black women being self-considering. Indeed this is how every other group teaches group members to think. Such practical thinking seems to elude black women when they are in the mode of ‘saving black people’. In this place black women feel their well-being, sanity and personal fulfilment takes a backseat to ‘the greater good of community.’ This is a dangerous place to be!


• Don’t let people make you feel that things just happen (magical thinking). If a thing must happen, you will see the indicators line up to that effect. Many other groups place an emphasis in thinking in a rational, logical, step after step fashion but in contrast black women are often encouraged to think romantically or ‘in faith’ and believing without seeing the obvious possibility e.g. black men will spring forth in enough numbers to give black women companionship, or that the black situation will just click in place. Do away with this type of thinking. This willingness to believe fantastic things that are not apparent or for which there are no practical basis, is one key factor that works against black women.

Halima's summary Part 2

Think about all the things you are being instructed to do as a black woman:


  • Find a black husband,
  • Give back (when you are a struggling to keep your head above water)
  • etc etc

In the first example, it seems pretty simple and straight forward, however the outcome of ending up with a black husband depends very much on factors outside yourself.

For instance, it depends on if the black male population in your area is indeed interested in dating and marrying, even dating black women (as we can see now these things can no longer be taken for granted or seen as a given)!

This calls for you to apply the ‘intelligence’ you gather from your day to day comings and goings.


(b) Indeed black women must learn to gather intelligence by a reconnaissance of her situation and surroundings.


Many rational outcomes may not automatically apply to the black female situation as we are told to believe. Many black people say to you, ‘just go out there and find a black man for you’, or they give the impression that it will be the most normal and natural thing for black men to pick black women. But do these people really understand the world that black women inhabit currently? There has been a seismic shift in black male attitudes to black women and even the idea of settling down.

Instead then, of listening to instructions from those who are disconnected from your reality or would like to maintain an impression of how things were because they cant bear to think otherwise, why not believe what your eyes are telling you and what you know deep down to be the truth.


Many black women struggle to give themselves the permission to believe what they know is true. If people outside yourself control what you will let yourself believe to be true then you are under their control and in a dangerous place! 


Indeed many of these people who instruct black women are not in touch with localised dynamics which have emerged over 2 decades which means that black women ending up married to black men is not assured and guaranteed as they think it is.


I cannot overemphasis the fact that many everyday expectations and taken for granted beliefs might not apply and come into play for black women.


The black community is asking you in many cases to work ‘models’ that are just not working, non-yielding, non-applying, obsolete or irrelevant (remember what we said about the black consensus being in error state and thus issuing erroneous injunctions and instructions to black women)


So if the community says to you, ‘find a black man’

Report back from your gathering of intelligence, ‘The black men here are not really interested in settling down!’


(c) The thinking and mindset that keeps black women in a state of frustration and non-achievement (particularly in the area of relationships) is chiefly a result of the relationship black women have with their immediate community


As black women seek to serve and be a benefit and credit to their races they often tie themselves into self-sacrifice and struggle as a way of life and even abiding by instructions and stipulations that are flawed, hurt their interests and require their life blood to achieve!


Unfortunately many black women are desperate to be ‘approved of’ by their race. They desperately desire the accolade of, ‘good loyal black woman’, on their mantel and they want to be decorated as this type of woman at all costs, but the cost is indeed high and the expectations of being this kind of black woman is self abnegation and a masochistic cleaving to a way of life that is really a way of suffering and denial and limitation. Very few black women think through what this ‘accolade’ costs and why it is so important to attain it.


Back to the issue of the relationship black women have with their ‘in group’, it is now critical that black women, revaluate everything that is said to be a way of being and doing things that 'honors your blackness'. It is easy to suck black women into counterproductive attitudes and outlooks by touting the option as 'black peoples approach.'

Because of this powerful limiting idea that that particular approach, method or choice represents the only way to be authentically black or proud of their blackness black women cleave to ways of being that are all to their detriment.

one such notion is


Marrying a black man means you love black people and your blackness


I remember many years ago reading an article with a black journalist saying that she was marrying a black man and this showed her pride in her race and that it reinforced that not all of black people sought out white after a level of success.


As much as I understood the symbolism in what she was saying and her choices, I noted that ‘uplift of her race’ and sending out a message etc etc was not totally dependent on her.

There were many other black women who loved and cared for their race but would not get to marry black men to be such a similar shinning example of a woman 'loving their blackness'. So her particular choice was not really proof of a strong black ideal.


Many black women preoccupied with and searching to be a similar role model or trying to send out a similar message of contentedness with blackness, could do themselves a lot of damage by feeling that ‘being this shinning example’ is all dependent on them and they have to bring it about.


Many black women are punishing themselves for things beyond their control. Saving the black family for instance is one of these outcomes that is dependent on two for its success. Do black men themselves care about saving the black family and if not, why are black women blaming themselves for the state of things?


(d) ‘Being a Testament to my Community’


This whole notion of black women living as a testament to community, the only ones sacrificing ’ for the greater good‘, or working without relief and support to save their race/community, is deeply questioned by BWE and IR bloggers.


This is because of two key reasons:


BWE IR bloggers see how this injunction is placed solely upon black women and thus how unfair and unachievable saving the community would be under such conditions.


BWE and IR Bloggers also realise that such injunctions severely limit black women’s lives and their fulfilment.


Many BWE and IR bloggers also see how ill served black women have been by their community which only receives from their efforts, good will and toil, and never gives back to them in terms of support, and organizing (to help black women achieve their deepest desires for instance for companionship), assistance in raising black children etc. The fact that such concerns of black women are tossed aside and have disappeared from the black agenda for the latest, ‘save a black man’ project (regardless of the guilt or culpability of the black man in his situation) shows the relationship the community has with black women and that it is one in which black women are to be used for all they can offer.


Many BWE and IR bloggers see this as enough grounds for the community to no longer be worthy of black women’s loyalty or even concern. The fact that black women have not received any provision in terms of the community agenda and this is clear when you notice how said community cares more for the issues of black males and mobilises on of black men’s behalf even at the expense of black women, means they are not really any kind of community to speak of for black women and black women. Black women should thus feel no guilt in taking away her loyalty and investing that in pursuing her own personal interest.


This might sound like heresy and taboo to many black women unused to asserting their interests (read page 60 of this article to catch a glimpse of how black women position their needs in the scheme of things)


http://eisaulen.com/index.php?module=photoalbum&PHPWS_Album_id=4&PHPWS_Photo_op=view&PHPWS_Photo_id=20


but it shows how deeply inculcated the notion of ‘black women for the service of everyone else’ is. It is actually dysfunctional to have a problem with putting your interests out in front!


When one looks at the stats of violence against black women, family abandonment and neglect, it is clear that black women are referring affectionately as ‘community’ to a collective that should be simply referred to as black neighbourhood etc.


In many instances it is the black group’s positioning and the in-group situation of black women and black women’s acceptance and non challenge of same that is critical to how things turn out for them (not very good from all indications).


Black women occupy a very devalued place in the ‘community mind’ and instructions issued to black women on how they must live are often according to this general devaluation, so they are:


  • To serve everyone else
  • Not to consider own needs
  • To turn a blind eye to personal vulnerabilities and 
  • To make small of their sufferings and acts of aggression directed towards them.


Why do black women feel they have to be held bondage to a way of life that leaves them with little or nothing to show for toiling for community and putting community first?

And why are they the only ones required to lead such an existence of self-denial and self-abnegation? Indeed very little is expected and received from black men in terms of the community uplift agenda, and any investment towards securing the future of black people, yet black women get the sole burden and the blame when things do not work out as we can expect it not to, due to the non-participation of black men!


Why would black women even want to pursue a fruitless endeavour?


These are questions for the reader to think about and provide some concrete answers, as it will help black women in deciding their future course.


Indeed it is futile for black women to seek to save the race single-handedly, because it is impossible to do it without the equal efforts and participation of black men.


I mean is it not abundantly clear by now that it is the absence of black fathers and black men holding up their end of the bargain and fulfilling their responsibilities that is the key problem leading to the demise of the black group?



The above explanations are why BWE and IR bloggers believe that black women should let ‘the chips fall where they will’ for the black community, as they pursue a life of individual -fulfilment.

If this sounds selfish to your ears, then it probably speaks more to how entrenched the notion that black women are slaves of the black community is.

The whole mindset of acceptance of 'non-reciprocity' and 'non return on effort' keeps black women in lack.


At this point, each black woman should ask and answer the question, ‘Do I approve and agree with the idea that I am a slave/servant of community, here for the express purpose of serving the black community even to the detriment of my own personal needs and desires?’

What other thoughts do you have with regards this particular discussion of saving the community and black woman’s role? Do you agree it is time for the chips to fall where they will for the community? Do you think black women can ‘save black community’ alone or that black men are indeed participating?


Do my personal interest and that of the ‘community’ coincide?






More at Part 3

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Halima's summary of how to get the best of the BWE work

Many black women claim they want change in their lives and their circumstances, however, they continue to apply the same principles and believe the same views, ideas and explanations that will simply keep them in lack and the frustration, the kind they can clearly see in the lives of their older sisters and such that even attends their lives!


There will be a need for a radical change in thinking and ideas that black women carry about and cleave to for black women to move forward in any sort of progressive way. Surely if one is not experiencing any success using a particular approach, then it is time to change.

I ask black women, are you eager for change?

I ask this because there are some black women who resist changing their mind or they strongly resist entertaining a new approach. This will be a hindrance.

So my advice on getting the best of BWE work is:


(a) You must be willing to shift in your mentality


Many black women do not recognise that it is the game they are playing and the rules they are confined to (or confining themselves to) that is the problem, not the amount of effort they are putting into it.

Many of us put so much effort into achieving a specific outcome and are not achieveing yet never asking 'was it ever really to achieve'. Have you ever taken time to survey the situation to see if indeed it is one that was set to yield in the first place (hopefully before you invest too much time and energy)?


If a model, a concept, a framework an ideal etc is not ‘adding up’,  or is falsely premised, then it doesnt matter how much you struggle to make it work, it.just.will.not.work.


Take a moment to think about this.


An example of a unfruitful model, is washing a greasy stain with soap. The model does not work or yield enough of the desired outcome, which is total removal of the stain from a white shirt. It is thus a flawed approach. This is the reality regardless of the amount of effort you put into scrubbing.


The model of using mere soap then, to wash out stains just does not work.


And to further this principle, it is of the utmost importance for black women to find their fertile ground and the rich mineral vein that is ready to 'yield' up to them, than stand around waiting for that which is 'set against them'.


I encourage you to visit this website


http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/ read through the archives and buy everything available from the author. She deals with lifestyle optimisation for black women and she has a reality based approach to black women living and thriving. 


Remember you will never get back time lost doing something futile so it is important to jump to whatever you know you need to do that will be productive!


Again I will reiterate by saying that planting in nutrient depleted soil, will yield very little no matter how hard you till that soil, or how superior the seed.


Do you see parallels with what black women are doing and how hard they work to make the grade, and yet end up with so little or how they struggle to achieve in unprofitable markets in their love lives and relationships, possibly because they have been told this is the only places they should confine their energies.


The black women needs to learn to stand apart and take a look at all the things she is instructed to do and not just think ‘putting her back into it’ is what will make an outcome happen.


More at Halima's Summary Part 2