Why do people keep going back to a dirty restaurant with ill-treatment and rude staff and all that?
One reason could be because they don’t think they can get any better, the other is because they maybe feel they are obliged to that shop and the treatment it metes out to them.
Maybe one reason is because, ‘we have to buy black and this is a black store’.
What do you think will change the restaurant to be more appreciative of its customers?
Do you think that as customers continue to give the restaurant their patronage, this will some how change the managements mind and they will just be touched, by the customers continued devotion and say, ‘we are not doing right by these folks you know, we must from today, give them their due’?
Do you think that customers continuing to give the restaurant custom will challenge the restaurant to shape up and offer a better service, or become more entrenched in their posture of disrespect, maybe believe that they are doing right or perversely believe the customers are deserving of this type of service?
Same dynamic with black women and black men would you not say?
Black women are thinking ‘If we keep loving them and preferring them and telling them we will have no other, then black men will change’. How effective is this type of strategy really?
A lot of the entrenched problems of black women like 'colorism', devaluation and disrespect started a long time ago and black women have continued hoping for the best, deciding not to put their foot (collectively) down to say to the men, ‘We are not having this!’ Instead they have continued to think, ‘They will change, we will love them into being good and doing right by us.’
Newton’s first law of motion says that an object continues on its current path unless acted on by external force/s. How are black women creating a change in the path being travelled by black men, by refusing to change their responses?
Regarding their community
The most appropriate position for any black woman to adopt vis a vis the black community (for her own sanity), is to position herself to ‘challenge’ all its dictums and stipulations. To test everything and weed out the chaff from the wheat. This means black women can begin to question the ‘testament to my race’ way of going about life sold to her by community.
Unfortunately many black women act like keenly trained as guard dogs for all sorts of ‘tenets of blackness’ and they do put themselves forward not as ‘questioners’ but only tight keepers of the black behaviour codes, immediately springing into battle against anything that would ask for a careful reassessment and revaluation of any idea that is protected in the view of ‘being a sacred black notion‘.
These women stand even against their own interests because they do not take the time to think through the situation (shallow thinking is also encouraged over these issues). Many black women are in a state of ‘false consciousnesses’ of their interest and needs, having listened all their life to a propaganda emanating out of the black consensus of what their needs and desires really are, instead of working this out by themselves.
Evia a pionner BWE/IR blogger talks about CCBC (central committee of the Black community), which is her expression for those black people who have the greatest influence over the opinions of others in the ‘black community’. Evia says:
‘The CCBC have numerous announcements, ‘proclamations’ and stipulations about what so called ‘real’ black women should do and act and keep it real.
BWE and IR also talk about how authentic blackness is now defined in ‘Acting black’ terms. It is clear that black perspectives are issued from a group of blacks who have made black synonymous with low behaviour and all things negative and counter culture actions.
Black women are being told that all social hostility and all vectors of discrimination and if there be any dream denied, it all comes from forces external to the community (outside the black race/group). But a casual observation shows that this is far from the case and black women not realizing this to be the case, is the main cause of them coming up short again and again.
The simple formular of internal community = security, external community = threats, no longer applies for black women.
No not really. It is important that the modern day black women not flinch from any aspect of the observable truth if she hopes to carve out a better life than what pertains at present.
Look around you, the evidence is there in the fact that black women have some of the worst social indicators (as significant to women). Black women are the least likely to be married and in addition they are bearing a disproportionate burden for the upkeep of the black family, with single parent families accounting for the dominant family structure across US and Black Britain.
I will tell you something about the community which you will agree with, and on which we can then build a broader picture and understanding of the situation (this understanding is absolutely crucial to black women adopting a successful approach to their situation).
Black women are the backbone of the black community.
Only a few people will disagree with this assertion.
So there is the black woman, and there is her black community which depends on her to perform vital roles for sustaining it in its current state. But a real and healthy relationship with community would be one in which black women themselves received succour and nurture and protection in return especially for her efforts on behalf of community. That would only be fair, don’t you agree?
But again it is evident that black women get very little support and succour internally and they are certainly not being snapped up in marriage by in-group men, indeed in America only a paltry 30% of marriage aged black women are married as opposed to anything from 50-70% among other groups of the same category. It is this simple dynamic of non-reciprocity from her community and the endorsement of the idea of not receiving returns on investment within black women themselves that causes a whole lot of hardship in their 's lives.
I am very sure that the average black woman is not taught to think in terms of getting anything back from her community or what her community can offer her. This is a whole new way of thinking for black women. However every other race of women looks to and expects protection, support and also expects their needs of companionship for instance to be met within their community, if they are to call them their communities and invest her energies into it! This is simply, basic and standard requirement.
Question (please endeavour to write something down on these questions and keep it for reference):
Do you think that black women as a whole and you as a black woman are served and made provision for in their communities? By this I mean, do they receive the necessary support, protection and relational needs (in terms of men) as a fair exchange for the effort they pour into it? Do you believe it is important for black women to receive back on their investment into their communities?
Also think of a number of times that that which is uniquely black about you was attacked or scorned (be it your skin colour or hair etc etc), and note whether this was an attack from those external to or internal to the black community.
At one point, I the writer was asked, 'why do I want to sow doubt and discord in the minds of black women about their community?' (it was thought that this was what I was about).
My reply was, 'If black women's continued 'carrying' of their community, depends on hiding the truth from them, then it is a deception that is being perpetrated'.
The question also revealed that a whole lot is riding on black women denying their reality, and pretending everything is hey ok. Many black women respond as expected and it will be this whole mindset of acceptance of 'non-reciprocity' and 'non return on effort' that will keep black women in lack.
Further questions and exercises for this section
Do you believe that black women should expect rewards for her services to community?
- No selflessness is required
- Helping people is a reward in itself
• Safety and the meeting of all her needs
• Men from the community making her a priority in their choices for female partners
Do you believe that black people must be saved all together and as a group and there is no salvation for individuals?
• Yes as long as black people are oppressed nothing will be in our favour unless we come together
• No a black person can find their own salvation
Observe and make judgements; the new mantra of black women!
Black women would be hard to deceived and misled over clear and glaring realities if they would simply accept that their eyes and ears are communicated the truth and they don’t need to see out some expert to understand what is going on with black men and the black situation.
An exercise for you to do: sit at a public mall or any other public area of your choice and count/observe and document whatever you see with regards a specific question you might have.
Frame a question in your mind (say for instance ‘Are a significant amount of black men involved out of their race?’). This ensures you do not play games with yourself as black women are encouraged to do to head off any observable reality.
Just record what you see.
It will be clear that you do not need to consult the experts, you can observe and make a judgement on what you see. The tendency to look out of ourselves for a nod or to have our views endorsed as reality opens black women to misdirection. Consider that the ‘experts’ might have reasons to withhold the truth from you. Do you indeed consider that?
A few roundup notes
Black women have come to a ‘crossroads,’ a cross roads in their self definitions, in their belief systems and the value systems they have around blackness and the black group. This is because the current belief system has stalled and is yielding them very little. It is time to decide if what you are seeing now with the black group demands and requires a whole new way of life and approach. It is time to re-examine what it means to be a black woman in light of what you can clearly observe going on the black group, in line with living a life profitable to you the individual (often black women are encouraged to live a life profitable to their group without much of a thought towards themselves). You will have to decided whether its business as usual for you a black woman or if you will need to courageously chart a different path even one different to what you see other black women around going about.
• You will have to re-examine and weigh up the current ideals you have for living life as a black woman in light of the black men’s commitment deficit to black uplift, black survival etc etc. Ask yourself, ‘Do I continue along the same path? Does life now require a whole change of mindset, rethinking of notions of black womanhood, a whole new direction and whole new approach, a whole new way of being and thinking and a whole new set of priorities? This is the overarching question under which a whole lot of black women will have to labour.
• The ideas that so easily ensnare and entangle black women and trap them in a situation of self sacrifice and self-depletion, are ‘I want to be an asset to my race’ ‘we must help brothers out’ and ‘we must believe in our brothers’. These are ensnaring ideas that lead black women down the path of self abnegation. Even as we note that there is nothing morally wrong with these ideas in themselves but they are ones which lead black women into a life of lack and struggle. They are slippery slope ideas into irrational self-sacrifice and holding on beyond the point of reason!
• Remember that the Black Thought System is aimed at creating a black women whose whole will and needs are so thoroughly yielded to serving a dictated community agenda, that she is willing to slave away for it, without support, without getting anything back and without even a hope of any returns on her efforts. She will be willing to bear burdens that are meant for two, and even while understanding that two are required, will not pull away from toiling in futility.
• The more black women get into the black thought system manner of thinking, the less likely she is to know that she should rightly be demanding for herself anything from her efforts and interactions with others instead she invalidates her own needs and personal desires and sees them as a distraction to the real work of the race. The more ‘in the mindset of ‘the community’ a black woman is the less likely she is to know when her efforts are futile but will continue to be pressured to keep plodding on regardless. In other words she doesn’t know when to rightly give it up and let go!
• Not everything out of 'the perspective of black people' should be upheld and agreed with. You must ‘get it’ somehow that it cant be all about defending the black position. There are a lot of toxic ideas and beliefs and values that are circulating in the black social sphere that need to be rejected and run from! This has nothing to so with ‘giving up on race’ or ‘looking at the race as white people’ do etc etc, this is a pure commonsense understanding that not all that emanates from black people has to be deemed sacred.
• Insight into your situation is of the most critical importance. Work out for yourself what is going on around you as you recognize that many would prefer black women kept in the dark. Understand how the game of life and living is being played around you and evolve your game plan to meet its challenges and so you can win. Think, ‘How do I get the best out of the situation.’ Be pragmatic and think pragmatic!
• Create a new identity that isn’t formed around rescuing ‘our people’ and saving ‘our community’, but considers ‘what is my personal gain in this?’ There is nothing heretical about black women being self-considering. Indeed this is how every other group teaches group members to think. Such practical thinking seems to elude black women when they are in the mode of ‘saving black people’. In this place black women feel their well-being, sanity and personal fulfilment takes a backseat to ‘the greater good of community.’ This is a dangerous place to be!
• Don’t let people make you feel that things just happen (magical thinking). If a thing must happen, you will see the indicators line up to that effect. Many other groups place an emphasis in thinking in a rational, logical, step after step fashion but in contrast black women are often encouraged to think romantically or ‘in faith’ and believing without seeing the obvious possibility e.g. black men will spring forth in enough numbers to give black women companionship, or that the black situation will just click in place. Do away with this type of thinking. This willingness to believe fantastic things that are not apparent or for which there are no practical basis, is one key factor that works against black women.